Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Marriage and Culture: Day 1,813

Before you decide this has something to do with a certain Supreme Court ruling, it doesn't; although, to some extent, it might have been more on my mind because of recent events in the United States.

In Guatemala, it's common for people to not marry...at least not for a long time.  Often, they "unite;" a woman--typically pregnant, sometimes with a baby--moves in with her boyfriend's family.  At that point, they start calling each other husband and wife or man and woman.  When I mentioned to people that I was engaged, a common response was "Oh, I didn't know you had a baby!" or "When is the baby due?"  One family member even went as far to put her hand on my belly and say, "May there be many more blessings!"  As a white, conservative (but independent) American, I was mortified.  (Please note that what I am about to say is different for each person and is in no way judging anyone else.)  To me, a man marrying me after I am pregnant with his child (or having had given birth to it), would border on obligation; I don't want a man to marry me because he feels obligated...or because I feel he feels obligated.

Here it is different.  Many Guatemalans, including my significant other, believe that a baby is a sign that God has given His blessing on the relationship, that this is the person that you are supposed to marry.  If a baby isn't born before either of the adults (or teenagers) in the relationship find someone they feel more strongly about, then it is decided that, despite however much sex they have had, the pair wasn't meant to be.

Handsome (my significant other) took a lot of convincing, but in the end, "I'm pretty sure my father would disown me if I had a baby before getting married" was what did it.  Family is important here, and he didn't really want to drive any wedges between myself and my original family.  And his mom loves me too even if we don't have a baby, and considering my past track-record with relationships, family and guy both loving me seems like divine blessing enough.

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